Letter from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law.
婆婆給媳婦
I have always thought, what is the real meaning of your presence in my life?
我一直在 想，你對我到底有什麼意義？
You are merely my son’s wife, and before the marriage, you hold basically no meaning in my life.
你只不過是我 兒子的老婆，在結婚之前，你在我的生命中根本沒有任何意義。
I have given my life to my family, and before you were married into this family, you had contributed nothing to the family. Therefore, I just don’t understand why, upon your entry into this family, we had to tear down our lifestyle that has long been in place and to start from zero, then we had to factor in your likes and dislikes, and allowed you to bargain as to who is higher than whom in our order of things?
我的生命都貢獻給這個家，這個家在你嫁進來前，沒有任何一分一毫是由你來貢獻。所以我不懂，為何一你嫁進來後，我建築起來的家及生活模式全部必須歸零，然後必須跟你協調，跟你討價還價，讓你來跟我比大小。
As to the order of things, you are even jealous of your child, let alone an “outsider” like me (remember you are living in my home). To tell the truth, my feelings are out of balance.
說到比大小，妳連自己的小孩都充滿忌妒，何況對我這個「外人」(而你是住在我家)。說真的，我 心理很不平衡。
I have managed and supported this family for over 30 year, and I have raised and educated my son for nearly 30 years so that you do now have a husband you can rely on. And, what about you? Except for demanding his presence at home during festive holidays, what have you done for him? You had gained a ready-made husband without any labor. Therefore, when you enjoy life in this family, you should thank me for my sweat and tears and my toils.
我的家我扶持了三十多年，我兒子我也教育了將近三十年，你才會有一個你可以依賴的老公，你呢？除了要求他幫你過節，你為他做過什麼事，根本來說你是不勞而獲、撿現成的。所以當你在這個家裡享受時，你得感謝我以及我的以往努力付出。
If there are no thanks, that is all right, but you should not voice your opinion as to how I have cared for this family. In terms of what is needed in maintaining this household, you had always had a pile of opinions. You must know that you were married into this family, not here to call the shots, like a beggar demanding gourmet tastes in food.
如果你不感激那就算，你不應該還對我的照顧家的方式有意見，對於維持一個家該做的事，總是意見一堆，你要知道你是嫁進來，不 是來當主宰。 這簡直是得了便宜還賣乖。
My son has a job, and has always been financially independent. Therefore, I don’t have to rely on your income for anything, let alone for my livelihood. The house you live in now came from my long savings in drips and drabs through the years of frugal living, so that you now can come home to a clean and comfortable environment. I am the one (one you should properly address as “Mother”) who did the cleaning and dusting.
我兒子白天也有工作，經濟一向獨立，所以我根本不必依靠你的薪水生存，我也還沒想過要依靠你的薪水過活過。而且你回到家住的房子，是仰賴我一點一滴累積賺來的，省吃節用積蓄下來的你可以回來後有個乾淨的環境，是我（你必須叫媽的人）打掃來的。
You have a free babysitter to care for your son during the day without worries of mistreatment. The babysitter is also the one who raised your husband, and now help raising you child.
你可以不用花錢請奶媽幫你照顧小孩，也不用擔心奶媽虐待，是我（養大你老公的人），幫你照顧的。
Your parents have raised a spoiled and ungrateful daughter, and unloaded her into my family. Now I have to be also responsible for re-educating you in order to avoid ruining the family that I had built with my own hands.
你父母親養了這麼一個驕縱不知感恩的女兒，就丟來我家，我還得負責再教育以免壞了我一手建立的家庭。
You must know, you are a part of my family, and every function of life is in my family. Therefore, the money you earn should rightfully be put in the coffers of the family. The family coffers must be managed without complaints.
你要知道，你現在是我家的人，吃喝拉撒睡，都在我家，所以你賺錢的原本就必須貢獻給「我們家」，你花「我們家的錢」，本來就應該管理，有什麼好 抱怨！
The maintenance of the family must first manage expenditures. If your filial piety requires you to direct part of you earnings to your parents, it is okay, but you must first tell me the amount (to date, all I have seen was the money you spent on fashion, nothing paid to your parents). Your upkeep all comes from the family coffers. If you want to make a distinction between “our family” and “your family”, you should deduct amounts for your rent, meals, electricity, water, parking, telephone, babysitting, and the like, and figure out how much is left for new clothes.
家中要維持，支出本來就應管理，你要拿回家盡孝道可以，說清楚到底要多少拿回去（我到現在只看你花錢買衣服，沒看過你拿錢回娘家過）你住的吃的喝的哪項不是用「我們家」，如果你要把「我們家」視「你家」你把住宿費，伙食費，水電費，停車費，電話費，保母費...扣一扣，你 還能存下多少錢買衣服？
My son was raised by me. Therefore he has the obligation to support me in old age. You did not raise my son. Therefore, you have no right to demand that he spend money to take you out to have fun on the night. Even I do not dare to make that demand in fear of violating my place in life and for being the “third person”. I do not owe you anything, and I do not need your financial support. You entered this family and gained far more that what you gave. You used to live in your parents home as a pampered princess. That does not give you the right to eat and live free in my family. I can respect your opinions but cannot allow you to call the shots.
我兒子是我養的，他當然有義務養我!你沒養過我兒子，憑什麼要他為你有額外開銷，要他帶你去玩（我都不敢要求我兒子帶我去玩，怕被說不識相，當老燈泡）我又沒欠你，也不需要你養，妳住進這個家得到的遠比你付出的多，你以前住你家，可以不用付出，大小姐，不代表你一樣可以在我家白吃白住，我可以尊重你的意見，但是不能讓你做主。
Therefore, I have to now be open and honest in clarifying things. “Our family” pays for the electricity, and there is no need to leave the air conditioning on at night. We have electric fans. You are not the only one who must go to work in the morning. During these bad economic times, you don’t know when you may be laid off. If you were laid off, you will have to depend on my savings or on my son, who I laboriously raised. You must think of the rain when the sun is shining.
所以我現在要跟你開誠佈公的講清楚說明白：電費是「我們家」在支付，所以沒必要不要開冷氣睡覺，家裡不是沒電扇，上班的不只是你，景氣不好，你何時會被裁員不知道,到時候還是要靠我的積蓄或我一手栽培的兒子養你，請你居安思危。
Furthermore, one must dress to have a clean and presentable image. But, remember, you are not in a beauty contest, and need not spend the money for that kind of fashion. Please also do remember, you already have a closet full of clothes, and the extra storage space would reduce the space for others in “our family”.
還有衣服大方得體最重要，請你記住，你沒有要參加選美，犯不著買那些穿不到的衣服，也請你一定要記住，你的衣服已經滿出櫃子，你衣服所佔用的空間，都是在「我們家」。
I firmly believe in frugality in running a family. It is from that principle that we acquired this house. Please do not pass your frivolity to my son and my grandson, for that would damage the tradition of “our family”.
我相信勤儉持家，這房子就是這樣來的，請你不要帶壞我的兒子﹑孫子，把你驕奢的家教，敗壞「我們家」的風氣。
I do not see your sense of value in your purchases. I and my son are abstemious in our life. You can live in brand-name things, and frivolously, because my son is holding up this family. Please sit down and figure out what it takes to support this family and maintain it for a secure future, and you will know how much we must put in our savings. You will know how spoiled you are making yourself.
你花錢的準則上面我實在看不過去，我跟我兒子省吃節用，而你名牌不斷,你要了解你能如此大肆花費，是因為你有我跟我兒子扶持這個家，請你好好算算維持一個家，以及持續一個家的未來，要存多少錢，你就知道你實在太放縱了。
My words may be hard to take, but they do come from a kind heart. I don’t want to live by your facial expressions and body language any more.
我苦口婆 心，卻還要看你的臉
(Chinese original from Anita Kwok Lee; English translation added by E.Y. Tong. 071610)
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